2004 Predictions

If Mike, Leno and Letterman can do this, why not offer my predictions? So here are my 2004 predictions, from the mundane to the serious, my tongue firmly planted in cheek.

Gazing at my crystal ball through my rose-coloured glasses I see a very disturbing scene. Chilly Willy the penguin is standing on his head in a wild snowstorm! Sorry, I picked up the wrong glass ball.

The Ontario Liberals will renege on their promise to support municipalities with a small piece of the gasoline tax, claiming the Conservatives left them a financial mess. The Dalton Gang, still in election mode, promises things will improve in 2005. Real reason: Province does not want to share any taxes with lower levels of government but wants to dole out infrastructure grants to favoured ridings.

After much debate, North Bay council will propose an 8.6% increase in residential taxes. Disillusioned ratepayers (formerly known as cherished voters) raise outcry. The Boat Owners Lobby to Decrease Taxes makes a spirited presentation to council. Tax rate is finally set at 7.7%. New user fees introduced. The Budget Chief, still in election mode, promises things will improve in 2005.

Mayor Fedeli attracts pharmaceutical firm to town. US virtually bans Canadian drugs using softwood lumber fiasco as model. Firm moves back to Texas.

The Planning Department is flooded with rezoning applications as the City continues to reVictalize. 12 applications from Cooks Road for 6 new campgrounds, 2 tent & trailer parks, 2 mini putts, a convenience store and a bear petting zoo arrive as that section of the city surges ahead.

Martin promises again to share gasoline tax with municipalities. The Election Day passes. The Federal Liberals will renege on their promise to share said gasoline tax. Real reason: The Feds do not want to share any taxes with lower levels of government but want to dole out infrastructure grants to favoured ridings.

A milk products firm signs deal to establish plant in North Bay. Mayor Fedeli grins from ear to ear – looks like cat that has been into the ‘cream’.

Geksum Industrial Developers purchase 30 hectares of industrial park for $75.00 after approval during an in-camera meeting. Geksum promises to put 2,000 people on property!

Geksum Residential Developers apply to have 30 hectares of industrial land rezoned to residential citing demand for housing in West Ferris area. Geksum claims misunderstanding – they are going to build industrial-strength homes.

City increases the flat-rate water surcharge again to pay for estimated cost of Filtration plant. No one mentions water meters until the extremely hot and dry July of 2004 burns lawns brown and voluntary water restrictions fail.

The new Hospital announces a delay of yet another 10 months as they re-tender, hoping firms will bid closer to their budgeted prices. The Municipal portion rises to 35 million dollars. Deputation to Queen’s Park returns with promise for more funding. The Dalton Gang diverts Highway 11 four-lane project funding to hospital. MMP Smith moves to apartment in Sudbury.

The Toronto Maple Leafs will not make it to the semi finals. Ottawa Senators will.

The District Social Services Administration Board will give notice that they do not intend to renew lease at City Hall. City Hall begins frantic search to fill excess office space, offering to do all renovations for new clients. No budget set for renovations. Again.

Mayor Fedeli woos Bombardier into parts plant for rail / subway cars. ONR sells shops to Bombardier. Bombardier sub-contracts shop to CN. ONR unions threaten to sue Mike Harris.

Rota wins riding for Liberals in close race with New Conservative Party. O’Connor finishes third, blames loss on confusion with NCP and NDP titles in media. The name of NCP candidate is unavailable until after election.

The City sells major asset bringing XX millions to city coffers. Budget Chief claims he is not using Clairol for Men but it is simply fiscal relief changing his hair from grey to a very, very attractive soft tint of blue/grey.

More black bears than last year invade City. Friends of the Black Bear Association hire live-trapper to remove bruins. Trapper releases 23 bears in Oak Ridge Moraine and Don Valley areas. FoBBAss (Toronto) sues FoBBAss (North Bay). In a brilliant amendment to her first motion, MPP Smith adds bearskin hats to dress code for Queen’s Park.

Slow response time to bear calls forces Northern MPPs to lobby the Dalton Gang to have Bear Call Centre (1-BLACKBEAR) awarded to Ontario location instead of South Carolina where there are no bears only bars. This explains why animal control officers show up at Wylders.

The Chair of Community services announces new service charges with the comment “Tha’s no oatmeal in tha cupboard.” He sounds like Dalton, but is a much more friendly laddie. When a reporter asks for a translation he gets “Mony a mickle maks a muckle, mon!”

Mayor Fedeli solves puzzle of Heritage Fund call-centre support and brings 400 new jobs to North Bay. The North Bay Mall becomes home to 10 call centers, theatre and food court. North Bay Mall formally changes its name to Call Centre North. Winners closes at CCN. Winners reopens at Northgate.

Tim Horton’s opens True North Donut Centre to serve CCN workers. Mayor Fedeli lobbies for Donut Company’s head office in North Bay, receives stale Crispy Creme donut in mail for answer.

Mayor Fedeli is wearing a red tie and a black toque! Sorry, I picked up the wrong crystal ball again. I wonder who Chilly Willy would look like wearing a yellow tie . . . hmmm.

Home Depot opens in time for Christmas shopping. Three local hardware stores say they may have to close. Hardware stores in Powassan, Callander, Sturgeon Falls and Mattawa raise concerns about loss of business. New jobs created = 250, old jobs lost = 210, amount of profits leaving the city and area are unknown.

Chief Commanda II has excellent year. ONTC inquires about buy-back.

Rumours spread about a Junior A hockey franchise. Talk of a new arena / convention centre on waterfront. Mayor Fedeli denies any connection with the “North Bay Victors” team. Rumours end.

The SuperJail plan folds. The Dalton Gang opts for more small jails spread throughout the north. Southerners do not want jails in their backyards. Moonbeam, Temagami, Gogama, Chapleau and Kirkland Lake get mini jails. Smith has no comment from Sudbury why North Bay not on list.

Lakeshore Drive pavement re-re-patching continues into September. A series of water main breaks forces council to deplete newly created reserve fund. The Chair of Public Works, calling this the Year of the Monkey Wrench and still in election mode, promises things will improve in 2005.

Mayor Fedeli attracts major downtown residential complex for seniors and low income residents. Mayor of Elliot Lake threatens lawsuit as North Bay competes in retirement living field.

North Bay places second in Communities in Bloom. Madigan lobbies for watering restriction exemption for flowers beds in 2005.

Mayor Fedeli adjusts glasses and changes plan to 2025. Vic announces for second term after consulting with Albert F.

Have a Healthy and Happy New Year!