Allow me to take you on a captivating journey through the nostalgic 80s, where a young boy named Jason navigated the tapestry of his childhood, shaping the person he has become today. And here's a delightful twist: that boy was none other than the author of this very narrative—me! Let my experience show you why we need things like pride, flag raising, representation in shows, TV and so much more.
Words hold different meanings for each individual, regardless of whether they convey hate or any other emotion. However, it is crucial to recognize that what we say and how we react has a profound impact. In moments of response, let us exhibit courage, dignity, solidarity, and above all, compassion. Why compassion, you might ask? Because the hurtful comments from those attempting to bully us reveal something lacking within themselves. But, at the end of the day, we rise above their attempts because we embrace our true, authentic selves, and nobody possesses the right to strip that away from anyone.
Hate permeates our surroundings. It can feel as though it grows and crashes upon us like waves, sometimes propelling us towards trans-formative change, and at other times threatening to engulf us. However, we endure. We grow stronger. We develop resilience. We rise. We strive for the change we seek.
Transport yourself back to the vibrant era of the 1980s, where mullets reigned supreme, bell-bottom pants were on their way out, and denim was the fabric of choice as far as the eye could see. However, amidst the fashion trends and the allure of the times, growing up in school during that era posed its own set of challenges.
In those days, school boards, administrators, and even some teachers and parents openly displayed homophobic attitudes, which unfortunately trickled down to their children. This created an environment where intolerance thrived and made life difficult for those who didn't conform to societal norms.
Bullying, regrettably, wasn't treated with the same gravity as it is today. It was an everyday occurrence to witness kids being stuffed into lockers, enduring physical assaults, or being pushed around after school. The theft of lunch money became an all-too-familiar routine. As fans of the TV series "Degrassi" can attest, school life could be tough, particularly for those deemed "different."
In the backdrop of the 1980s, the devastating AIDS epidemic cast its dark shadow upon the gay community, bringing forth unimaginable suffering and loss.
However, instead of empathy and understanding, misinformation, ignorance, and fear ran rampant, perpetuating a dangerous stigma surrounding AIDS. During this period, being gay became more perilous than ever. The lack of understanding and the prevailing biases fuelled a climate of discrimination and prejudice. The very term "GRID" (Gay Related Immune Deficiency) further cemented societal biases and homophobia, disregarding the fact that HIV was not exclusive to the gay community.
It was a time when misinformation overshadowed scientific facts, deepening the divide and exacerbating the challenges faced by the 2SLGBTQ+ community. Adding to the hardships, the blood ban emerged, a policy driven by ignorance rather than scientific understanding. Even though heterosexual couples were also contracting HIV, the ban was rooted in biases and further stigmatized the gay community. Tragically, this ban still persists in some countries today, despite advancements in scientific knowledge and understanding.
Moreover, in the 1980s, same-sex relationships were not only socially frowned upon. The military had strict policies against individuals who identified as gay, forcing them to hide their true selves in fear of retribution and discrimination. Couples who chose to build their lives together faced a glaring absence of legal protections and recognition.
More than 2.7 billion people live in countries where being gay is a crime today.
The 1980s were undeniably a peculiar and trans-formative period, a time when the 2SLGBTQ+ community teetered on the precipice of change. It was a time of stark contrasts, where both acts of oppression and displays of resilience occurred side by side.
I watched one of the defining events of that era was the notorious Bathhouse Raids, including the infamous "Operation Soap" in Toronto. In a shocking display of force, the Toronto Police conducted raids on four bathhouses, leading to the violent arrest of 286 patrons. These raids were a distressing reminder of the systemic discrimination and persecution faced by the 2SLGBTQ+ community.
Amidst the swirling events and turmoil surrounding the 2SLGBTQ+ community, I found myself grappling with fear and uncertainty. The pervasive narratives and misconceptions about being gay deeply impacted my psyche. The haunting spectre of AIDS, the threats of violence, and the constant presence of hateful words painted a daunting picture that seeped into the depths of my soul.
In the face of these overwhelming circumstances, I, like many other gay men, chose the path of perceived safety. At the tender age of 21, I made the decision to enter into a marriage with a woman. It was a choice driven by a desire to conform, to shield myself from the perceived risks and hardships that came with being openly gay. Society's negative messages had left an indelible mark, leading me to believe that following a conventional path was the only viable option for a peaceful and secure life.
Let us take a step back to explore the journey that led me to the point of making a decision that wasn't truly aligned with my authentic self.
Despite growing up with parents who were supportive and nurturing, I carried within me a deep sense of unease, a nagging feeling that the life I was living did not truly reflect who I was meant to be. Society, in its various forms, relentlessly reinforced the notion that being straight was the norm. Books, teachers, and even the media bombarded me with messages that adhering to this norm was the only acceptable path. Everywhere I turned, the world seemed to be dictating who I should be, leaving me with an internal struggle. I became acutely aware that I was fighting against my own nature.
The weight of hateful words, the absence of representation in the community, on television, or on the radio took a toll on my well-being. It left me feeling deeply unhappy, and on some days, even contemplating the unthinkable. Indeed, at the age of 21, I found myself succumbing to societal expectations, believing that getting married was the natural and inevitable next step in life.
It was the narrative ingrained in me: secure a job, start a family, and follow a predetermined trajectory until the end. The vision painted before me was one of settling down, having children, and eventually passing away as an old married man, surrounded by grandchildren and a legacy of offspring. This prescribed path seemed to be the norm, the "supposed to be" that society thrust upon me. It was a narrative echoed by countless voices, a blueprint for a supposedly fulfilled existence. However, amidst this chorus of conformity, there was a small voice within me questioning the authenticity of this path.
Embracing a job that took me to remote communities across Canada offered me a chance to detach from external influences and develop deep into introspection. It was during this period of solitude and self-reflection that a profound realization struck me with the force of a ton of bricks: "Oh my god, I am gay. I have always been gay. What was I thinking, fighting against this truth?"
The admission of my true identity as a gay man carries immense weight. It signifies the acknowledgement of a fundamental aspect of my being that had resided within me throughout my entire life. Deep down, I had known it all along, recognizing the attraction and connection I felt towards men. Yet, I had suppressed these feelings, like countless others, due to the relentless onslaught of hateful words directed at the queer community.
Working in remote Indigenous and Inuit communities offered me a remarkable contrast to the experiences I had encountered in mainstream society. What set these communities apart was the profound acceptance and absence of judgment towards individuals based on their identities. In these remote communities, there existed a deeply rooted belief that each person should be embraced for who they truly are.
This inclusive mindset fostered an environment where authenticity thrived. It was a trans-formative experience for me to witness firsthand the power of acceptance and the beauty of being able to exist without the need for constant self-questioning. Spending time in these communities, I discovered a space where I could simply be myself, unburdened by doubts or self-imposed limitations. The acceptance I encountered there allowed me to explore and embrace my true identity without fear of judgment or rejection.
After mustering up the courage, I made the decision to share my truth with my parents. The response I received from my mom was nothing short of affirming and filled with unconditional love. She reassured me that they had always known, allowing me the time and space to navigate my own journey of self-discovery. Their ultimate wish for me was simple yet profound: to find happiness in life.
Dad, on the other hand, surprised me with his immediate acceptance and curiosity. He genuinely wanted to know if there was someone special in my life, someone I was dating. It was a question that caught me off guard, as I had only just begun to embrace my authentic self and explore my identity as a gay individual. The concept of dating within the gay community was a realm of discovery unto itself, filled with terms like twinks, otters, and bears oh my!
Regardless of the societal expectations and norms imposed upon me, one unchangeable truth remained: I was gay. No matter how vehemently society insisted on dictating who I should be, it could not alter the core of my authentic self. The pressure to conform to societal standards can be overwhelming, leaving many of us grappling with feelings of doubt, confusion, and self-judgment even suicidal thoughts. But through my journey, I came to understand that my sexual orientation was an inherent part of who I am, an essential aspect of my identity that could not be erased or invalidated.
Society's messages may have attempted to undermine my self-acceptance, but deep within, I recognized the undeniable truth that my sexual orientation was an integral part of me. It was a beautiful and authentic expression of my innermost being, deserving of love, respect, and celebration. Amidst the pervasive hetero-normative narratives propagated by books, TV shows, radio programs, hosts, and moderators, one immutable truth remained resolute: my identity as a gay individual could not be altered by external influences just like a heterosexual cannot be turned gay by books, TV shows, radio programs, hosts, and moderators etc. It just does not work that way despite what a few may suggest or say.
The significance of a simple pride flag raising or a TV show that authentically represents the 2SLGBTQ+ community cannot be overstated. These seemingly small acts have the power to create a more inclusive and accepting world, providing individuals like myself with the validation and sense of belonging we yearn for. It helps with overall mental health, self esteem and self worth.
A pride flag soaring high above a community signifies more than just a symbol. It represents a visible declaration of support and acceptance. It communicates to 2SLGBTQ+ individuals that they are seen, heard, and valued. It creates a safe space where we can embrace our true selves without fear of judgment or discrimination.
Likewise, a TV show or any form of media that authentically portrays diverse 2SLGBTQ+ experiences is a beacon of hope. Seeing ourselves reflected in the characters and story lines allows us to feel represented, understood, and validated. It sends a powerful message that our stories are worthy of being told, and that our identities are not only accepted but celebrated.
Such representation not only benefits 2SLGBTQ+ individuals, but also helps to educate and broaden the perspectives of those outside the community. It promotes empathy, understanding, and acceptance, fostering a more inclusive society for everyone. The power of symbols like the pride flag cannot be underestimated. Their ability to save lives, prevent hate crimes, and foster acceptance is immeasurable.
Let us continue to raise these symbols high, advocate for their visibility, and work towards a society where love, understanding, and equality prevail. And because we are worth it.
No book, no tv show, nothing could change the fact that I am gay, which I knew in elementary school. The same goes for those of you that are straight. 2SLGBTQ+ in books, tv shows will not change you from being straight. However, it could prevent someone from committing suicide or being killed and isn't that worth reading a book to kids or just reading one yourself?
Fifty percent of 2SLGBTQ+ youth contemplate suicide or attempt it because of what I went through growing up. When you see that flag or see that show that includes all communities, and you feel it is "being rammed down your throat", or you ask 'When is the straight parade?" maybe realize its not about you, its about someone else for a change.
